I don't missed the chance to sneak out and made my cutest exit ever!

I was in Globe store this afternoon for inquires. I sat on a chair then dialed 211. While waiting for my call to be connected to CSR, I can't keep my head bouncing for I was enjoying the Christmas tune from the other line, not realizing that I am staring at the guy sitting in a chair at least 5 meters from me, not until we locked eyes 😱 for almost 6 seconds.

Whoah! that was so close! I was so embarrassed so I pretended like I don't care and look passed through him. I saw him swing his chair a little and positioned his feet pointing towards me. OMG! While talking to CSR, my eyes have their own lives and do their things again "look-up, look at him, look down, look at him, look passed through him, look at him" and we locked eyes again 😭 I'm dead!

I swing my chair and turned my back at him. He is wearing a plain white T-shirt and I am so distracted by his presence. Don't over imagined things! He is not so "gwapo" but he is also wearing a white city shorts and a pair of white sneakers, just as how I always imagined my man should look or wear. And for the last time, I looked at him again to see how good he looks but we locked eyes again  💀    Seriously, I'm dead! So please pray for my soul to get to heaven. 😂😂😂

My call had ended and I can't move out from my chair, so afraid for if I go out I will walk pass through him and be embarrassed. So, I motioned a little so I can see him while not looking at him directly. I waited for him to get busy so I can pass through him minus awkwardness. The service personnel got his attention and they talked. I don't missed the chance to sneak out and made my cutest exit eveeeeeerrrrr! 😂😂😂😂😂😂

Let life surprise you ...

I am 28 and still single. Why? Honestly, it's confusing. Maybe I am whom others called "made to be old alone", "the woman who can't settle", "the Miss Choosy" and "the one who have high standard" or maybe I am single because I choose to or I was swallowed by my fears - of being in a bad relationship - of making the wrong decision with the wrong man - of becoming an irresponsible girlfriend/wife/parent. Take it from a person who grew up with parents who couldn't compromise in too many things.

My life. My childhood. My past has a big contribution of my madness. Madness of making plans. The plans to straighten my life and follow the right path. Ten years ago, I decided to graduate with no boyfriend, to have my first-and-last boyfriend at the age of 24, then marry at the age of 28, and have my first born baby a year after. I even planned to have at least 5 beautiful children. Wow! What a plan! You can bestow a medal of honor on me while others may clap if I made it all come true. But a plan will just remain a plan if someone is too afraid to take the risks. 

So, here I am, still single at the age of 28, unable to marry with "No One". My fear, have somehow played the biggest part of my life, it took me into turning 28 without a boyfriend or even an ex. It even brought me two unofficial and assumed heartbreaks - sounds funny but true, they have had my heart broken without even knowing it. I made myself believe that by not taking the risks I'm saving myself to a long term brokenness. Did I really save myself to it? No, because playing safe is not safe at all, sometimes it leads you to your own engrave heartaches. And partly yes, because maybe the brokenness I am feeling now may not be compared with the brokenness I'll be dealing with if I have taken the risks. Who knows the mystery of the things that were left undone?

UNDONE. If I sum-up all the things that I wanna do in life, it would leave a word undone. Like I should have enrolled in accountancy but I didn't. I should have confessed my feeling to my first love but I left it locked in a box. I should have cleared things with my almost-lover before turning my back but I haven't. I should have had my first-and-last boyfriend at the age of 24 but I end-up still single today. I should be planning my marriage at this age instead I am writing this piece of never ending singleness, etc.

I should have do this and do that... Truly, life has its own way to surprise you. When I was young I cannot do math problems without causing headache and who would have thought that I can do accounting? I never imagined that this feeling of loving someone so much really exists for I grew up with parents who had a questionable love for each other. I am so afraid that temptations will go over me and I cannot surpass 24 staying single, and I never thought that I will turn 28 being so happy and confident. Before, the dream to reach mountain from mountain, to extend love and help in there seems like impossible but I got an easy access to it, easier that I thought it would be.

Life always surprise. You planned but failed. Think impossible and you'll be slapped with so much possibility. Because no matter what you do in life, what you planned, what you believe or don't believe, life will continue to show you its beautiful uncertainty. You'll be surprise!

Tagalog Poem: Unang Pag-ibig ...

Unang Pag-ibig

Sa makulimlim na bahagi ng kanyang nakaraan

Ay nagtatago ang isang damdaming natatakot at napapako

Nasisiyahan sa munting liwanag na nakapuslit sa isang maliit na butas

Na animo'y nangangako ng isang napakagandang bukas

Paminsan-minsan sa butas na iyon ay sumisilip itong damdamin

Naghihintay na madama at mapalaya sa dilim

Kaya't noong ang liwanag ay biglang nag-iba

Damdaming nagtatago ay nagpupumilit kumuwala

Sa kamay ng kalungkutan siya ay nagpupumiglas

Ngunit sa pagmamadali'y napaso sa nararamdamang nagniningas
At nabatid n'yang liwanag na dulot sa kanya
ay unang pag-ibig na daraan lang pala.

Isang pag-ibig na ang aral ay magmahal at magpalaya
Magmahal at magdulot ng ligaya, magmahal ng di umaasa.
Magpalaya at magparaya, magpalaya at lumaya.
Lumaya at ng pagmamahal ay maibahagi sa iba.

Unang pag-ibig: unang ligaya't unang pighati.
Unang kalungkutang hindi malirip.
Unang pagsusulit ng damdaming nagmahal ng labis.
Mga salamisim na kahit kailan ay hindi mawaglit.

Nagsusulat Ako dahil Nagmamahal Ako ...

Nagsusulat Ako dahil Nagmamahal Ako

Nagsusulat ako.

Nagsusulat ako dahil nagmamahal ako.

Nagmamahal ng taong dapat ay kaibigan lang,

dapat ay kaagapay lang at dapat ay karamay lang.

Nagsusulat ako.

Nagsusulat ako dahil ang pusong dati ay nakatago sa dilim

ay unti-unti mong hinugot patungo sa liwanag

na akala mo'y nangangako ng walang hanggang bukas.

Nagsusulat ako.

Nagsusulat ako dahil noong minahal kita ay nagkaroon ako ng tinta.

Isang makulay na tinta na nagsasabing

"mahal kita sinta".

Nagsusulat ako.

Nagsusulat ako dahil sa pagsusulat lamang ako

nakapagpapahiwatig ng nararamdamang ni minsan ay di ko naisip

na magkakaroon ng napakagandang himig.

Nagsusulat ako.

Nagsusulat ako dahil kahit papaano ay nababawasan ang tinik

na kay tagal ng nakakapit sa dibdib kong namimilipit

dahil sa sakit na dulot ng isang pag-ibig na hindi ko dapat dinibdib.

Nagsusulat ako.

Nagsusulat ako dahil sa mga isinusulat ko lamang nagkakaroon ng tuldok

ang kahibangang 'ikaw at ako ay may tayo'

na katulad ng kulog ay nakakatakot.

At magsusulat pa rin ako.
Haggang mapagod ang pusong kong nalilito
at makahanap ako ng kapares kong tinta na magsasabing "ikaw ay akin at ako ay sa'yo"
at sabay naming isusulat ang aming titulo. 

A Poem: Perfectly Imperfect Heaven Sent Blessing

Perfectly Imperfect Heaven Sent Blessing

It was one fine night of May 2013 when I first met you,

I appeared extra friendly and a bit shy was you,

It’s funny to think back at that moment,

That you have thought, I am so ‘feeling close’.

Life would have been a lot different if I haven’t met you way back then,

There would have been no ears who listened endlessly to my fears,

No eyebrows that draws a perfect line when I couldn’t hold my tears,

 And no bitter-sweet-words that would have calm my kooky feelings.

You are no perfect man but have shaped a perfect heart,

You’ve cared so much and I hope I also cared enough.

You have imperfect brain but have developed a better understanding,

You’ve always believe in me before I could explain anything.

Our relationship is unique and nothing can compare,

We’ve been through worst but isn’t it a challenge?

For both of us to make this friendship better,

And take this connection last forever.

That blissful night until today,

I never thought that you’ll mean so much to me,

One great extra ordinary friend,

That God lovingly sent to me from heaven,

Tagalog Poem: MAHAL, ISUSULAT KITA ...

MAHAL, ISUSULAT KITA ...

Ang nararamdamang hindi ko maamin
Tinago sa sarili at mas lalo pang lumalim
Kaya't isusulat ko nalang sa tula
Kung paano ang lahat nagsimula.

Isusulat kita ...

Mula sa kalungkutang galing sa kanya

Makasarili ako kung tatalon ako sa'yo para maging masaya

Pero naging makasarili parin ako noong pinili kita

Pinili kitang bahagian ng kalungkutang nadarama.

Sa panahong ikaw lang ang tanging masabihan

Ng mga pasakit at lumbay ng pag-ibig kong nasawi

Sa bawat kataga at pagtulo ng aking mga luha

Oo ramdam ko, ramdam ko ang sakit na dama mo.

Hindi ako manhid gaya ng sabi nila dahil nakikita kita

Nakikita ko ang bawat pagyuko at pag-iwas mo ng tingin

Sa bawat paghikbi ng pagal kong damdamin

Nakikita kong nalulungkot ka, nasasaktan para sa'kin.

Oo nakikita ko, nandiyan ka lang

Nandiyan ka sa mga panahong wala akong makapitan
Sa mga panahong pinipilit ko ang sarili na maging masaya
Nandiyan ka lang, parang si superman.

Naaalala ko pa 'yong minsang sinusubukan mong magpatawa
Upang kahit saglit, ngiti sa labi ko'y manumbalik
Hanggang ang mga patawa mo'y nagiging mais na
Laking tuwa mo nong nagtagumpay ka.

Ngunit sa bawat pagsabay mo sa pag-ikot ng aking mundo
Sa pagdama mo sa mga sugat nitong puso
Sa pagsalo mo nong nahulog ako
Ang tanga ko't nahulog pa rin ako, nahulog mula sa'yo.

Nahulog ako sa'yo ...

Sabi ko kasi noon, hinding-hindi ako magmamahal ng isang kaibigan
Kaya't nararamdaman para sayo'y pilit na winawakasan
At sa mga pagkakataong nakikita ka lang at nakakausap
Ay sapat na kahit wala tayo'ng bukas.

Sabi nila, mahal mo raw ako
Gustong-gusto ko ngang paniwalaan
Pero takot akong muli ay umasa at masaktan
Dahil sabi nga nila, at sila ay hindi ikaw.

Sa totoo lang hindi ko naman hihilinging manatili ka pa
O sasabihing wag kang magmahal ng iba
Ngunit ako'y makikiusap lang sana
Bago ka umalis, tulungan mo muna akong makalaya

Sa mundo ng panulaan ko nalang aaminin
Ang silakbo na ramdam nitong damdamin
Na ang pusong ito'y malaya mong naangkin
Eto na't unang beses ko pang sasabihin

Mahal kita ...

Disyembre labing tatlo, taong dalawang libo't labing apat
Sa umagang kay daming tao
Sa lugar kung saan tayo unang tatakbo
Naramdaman ko ang unang silakbo

Malapit ng magsimula ngunit hindi pa kita mahagilap
At sa unang pagkakataon ramdam ko ang takot na ikaw ay mawala
Sa kabilang linya, "Nasan ka? Nasan ka na? Diretso lang", sabi mo nga.
Pag-aalala sa dibdib lahat ay nawala.

Mahal kita kasi kahit tinig mo lang ako ay nakakalma
Mahal kita kasi ang sugatan kong puso'y sayo lang pinagkatiwala
Mahal kita dahil mundo ko'y nagiging makulay kapag nasisilayan ka
Mahal kita dahil minahal kita.

Sa panahong iyon na tumatakbo ako
Tumatakbo ako papalayo sa nararamdaman ko
Kasi ng mula sa kanya'y nahulog ako't nasalo mo
Kapag nahulog ako sa'yo, paano na ako?

Paano na ako?

Paano ako tatakbo kung sa bawat hakbang ko'y nasusugatan itong puso?
Paano ba kita iiwasan kung sa bawat distansya'y mas lalo akong nabibigatan?
Paano na ang ating pagkakaibigan kung ganito ang nararamdaman?
Paano na ako? Paano na? Paano na tayo?

Kaya't sa tulang ito na ikaw ang topiko
At ang nararamdaman ko ang tanging liriko
Sana ito'y magiging himig at gabay
Nang matuldokan ang puso kong nalulumbay.

Strong enough to walk away and never turn back.

Once upon a time, I was so scared. So afraid of losing someone I thought my everything, but I have to be tough. Strong enough to walk away and never turn back.

That moment I decided to let go of the person, I knew that it is hard, I knew that there is pain, I knew that there's no getting back and I knew that nobody can makes me hold up my decision. But still, I did it.

I have to do it. I need to do it. Because the thought of him, makes me weak. Little by little, he makes me so needy, insecure, fragile and powerless. He made me someone I am not supposed to be.

I'm changing. I can see it. And I can't let it happen without doing something. Falling in love and letting go are not cheap packages, I knew that the price is high. But whatever the price is, I have to pay it to rescue myself.

For nine nights, nothing can stop me from crying. Days were restless. Misery accompanied me wherever I go. My world collapses in front of me from one quick decision yet I know that I can surpass it. My mind tells me that I can. And I believe it.

In my perspective, it was one of the most courageous choice I  made in my whole life. Because I am living my life now the way that makes me happy, strong, independent and free. And that was me. That is always me.

Sand-Tastic Team building!

Isla Jardin del Mar Resort

Gumasa, Glan, Sarangani Province, Mindanao, Philippines.

The Passionist Youth - South

Every group is unique. It has its own mission and vision.And is composes with different people, characteristic and attitude. These differences may either be the reason for unity or likely to be the reason of separation and division within the team.

Our group, the Passionist Youth - South, is also unique and is founded by different persons with one heart who aims to be the servant of our God. And just like the typical group, it also needs to be united, developed its strengths and addressed its weaknesses to serve its real purpose.

Two (2) team preparing for yell.

One summer 2015, a team building was organized on July 4.

Team OTOG (One Team One Goal) vs. The BaNaNa Team

Team BaNaNa; Ate Rhea sending message in action to Janpol.

Team OTOG; Wilfe sending the message in action.

The punishment for the defeated team: To crawl into the sand
under the legs of the winner team formed like tunnel. 

When things get funny!Hahaha
It's like we were being punished too when the big ones cross.

Treading into big sharp rocks.

Looks like I'm inside the cave :) how I wish!

Don't missed the warm water!

What a sand-tastic experience!

Bisaya Poem: Pait nga Amiga

Bisaya Poem to One True Friend

Pait nga Amiga

Maldita daw ni siya pero di man sa akoa,

Di pud ko kaingon nga buotan kay tinuod man gyud sa uban,

Maldita sa ilaha apan para nako siya buotan.

Kini nga amiga hastang bakakona,

Kay sumala pa niya ako daw kay gwapa,

Unya nauna pa diay siya ug kahalin sa akoa.

Ingon pa siya nga ako daw utokan ug kaya gyud daw nako tanan,

Ug sa dihang mihilak ko sa iyang atubangan iya kong gikataw-an,

Kay iyang nasayran nga sa gugma raman diay ko malisang.

Matingala ko niya kay mura ni siya'g bombay,

Tagakita namo gapaningil kanunay,

Abi nimo'g unsa? Uyab ra man diay!

Sumala pa niya, siya gyud daw nabalaka,

Kay ang tuig kapila na nag-ilis ug ang uban kapila na nibalhin,

Unya ako nagpabilin gihapon nga wala mahalin.

Subay pa sa uban di daw mi suod,

Kay kami magka-istoryahanay panagsa ra gyud,

Apan kon ako ilang iduot, makiglalis ni siya dayon kalain sa buot.

Pait nga amiga apan tinud-anay,

Kay bisan pag magtalikdanay ug walay kitaay,

Ang salig sa usag-usa gapabilin kanunay.

Our Escape to Man-made Paradise :)

 

Take a look at the small
Island built by locals of Rizal. 

Bayanihan Island of Rizal Zamboanga del Norte

When I was young, I'd always dreamed of making it to Rizal, Zamboanga del Norte, the place where my mother grew up and where I was born. I grew up imagining this place based on my mother's description of it. It was like a paradise on her stories, a place of her youthful memories.

It was summer 2014, when I took the chance to leave the hustle bustle of the city life. We traveled to Iligan City for 14 hours from Gensan. Then after a day of rest to my Aunt's house we traveled to Dipolog City wherein we rode in a "ro-ro" ship, then by land to my place of birth, Balubohan, Rizal Zamboanga del Norte. It was my first time to go there since my family leave the place after I was born.

My mother's hometown is like a small paradise in the center of many mountains. It's an old urban since it's far from modernization. The locals living in the area are very nice and approachable and most of them are our cousins. One of it's pride is the man made "Bayanihan Island" built by people of Rizal through "Bayanihan" (is a Filipino custom of communal unity, work and cooperation to achieve a particular goal).

Bayanihan Island is in Gutalac and more or less 30 minutes travel from Balubohan. You can reach the Island by riding in a canoe. Its view from the land really excites me; I'm gonna step on a place heartily made by mankind in history.

Boating to the Island.

While boating to the Island, I was amazed by the peacefulness of the sea and its living creature. The sea water mirrors numerous starfish in beautiful colors. 

Beside the swimming pool of the Island :)
If you like to swim and enjoy the water with different fish.

The Island is formed by lots of rocks. It also has a swimming pool in the form of a ship where different fishes freely and solely owned it. The place is slippery for it was abandoned many years ago and was visited less by the locals. But for the love of history, I found the place overwhelmingly impressive. I can't take my eyes off the whole Island and imagine how the locals, hand-by-hand, built it.

Climb up! Breath the fresh air and say hello
to all souls (maybe already departed) who built the Island.

Sunbathing at the top while enjoying the view.

At the top of the high wall made from lots of small rocks, you can enjoy the beautiful view of the whole place or have a jump and dive to the sea.

My brother's first jump :)

I can say that the place is a bit far and hard to find, at least for first-timer like me. But for those adventuresome, no place is far enough!

Strong. Independent. Happy.

The Story

One rainy night, two old friends bumped into each other.

Boy: Hi
Girl: Hello
Boy: Basa ka na. Here. Use my umbrella
Girl: No. I'm okay. Total basa narin naman ako. Gamitin mo nalang yan para hindi ka mabasa.
Boy: Why are you always like that?
Girl: Like what?
Boy: Never mind. Eto' gamitin mo para di kana mabasa. (Then the boy quickly walk away.)
Girl: Hey! Mababasa ka... (He's gone.)

Her phone ring.

Girl:  Hello
Boy: Hi. Nakauwi kana?
Girl: Oo. Thanks for the umbrella. Nabasa ka ba? Hinabol kita pero ang bilis mong nawala.
Boy: Okay lang. Malapit narin naman ako at nakauwi agad. Hmmm...
Girl: Yes. Ano yon?
Boy: Ahmn. Pagkatapos nito, pwede parin ba kitang makausap?
Girl: Hmmmn... kasi
Boy: Ah' sige okay lang. Baka busy ka at ma-istorbo pa kita. Lagi ka pa namang nagmamadali. Bye. Ingat ka lage.
Girl: Ah' sige...

In her room, she thinks of the little conversation she just have with the guy. "Bakit ganun? Busy ba talaga ako? Lage nga ba akong nakatingin sa oras at nagmamadali?" ...

For some reasons, other girls grew up very strong and independent. Through life's circumstances, they have learned to stand and do things alone. They have heavily built a secure foundation within that makes man afraid to climb the wall. Some men would think that this kind of woman don't need a man. They live a happy lifestyle that makes most men insecure of their status. They have a healthy social affiliation that other men are too scared to enter her life or to be rejected.

What men didn't realize?

These girls, may appear so strong, independent and happy but it doesn't mean they don't need man in their lives. Being strong doesn't excuse them from tears, they have their own horror too, and they need someone not just to wipe the tears but someone who will understand. Being happy doesn't exempt them from sadness, most of the time, happy people are the saddest human. So they also need someone not just to be with them when they are sad but most especially when they are happy.

But it takes a strong man to understand this type of woman. Someone who has big hands to catch her from falling, someone who has large eyes to see her tears behind every smile, someone who will stand by her even if she pretends to be strong enough to stand by herself, someone who knows that being strong doesn't mean not being able to cry and someone who has the courage to enter her life and fill the space she's trying to hide because if you do, you'll be the luckiest man in the planet.

The requirements?
You just have to be persistent in caring and loving them. They may pretend they don't see your effort but trust me, they do. They have an eagle's eye to see even the smallest things you did for them. You'll be surprise when they start to show their feelings for you. But of course, be honest to them. God's luck!

He lost her ...

When a woman finally let go of her man, don't expect her to look back. It may hurt her but you will never know about it, all you can see is a smile in her face hiding what she really feel inside. You will never know that she cry herself at night, that she misses you more than you missed her, that she's breaking into pieces, that she also wanted you back but can't because she already used her last card and that is to let go of you, so she can give herself a chance to love someone else. Someone who will never take her for granted, someone who sees her worth and someone who will love her the way she deserves.

She's being jailed by rejection for too long ...

Almost 3 years had past and I still wonder why I never ever give him the chance to prove himself or to let him care for me once more. Why? Every time this question lingers on my mind, a series of answers displayed like what Google does when you searches for an answer to your question. Some are reliable, others are not specific and many are not necessary.

WHY?

AFRAID OF REJECTION ... I am the center of 5 siblings. And just like other center child, I grew up being the mediator, the one who always understand, and most of the time rejected. At home it is always like, "unahin muna si ate kasi dalaga na sya or sa susunod kana kasi kawawa naman si bunso". Maybe my parents have higher hope that I do always understand and never realizes that sometimes I felt being rejected. Aside from it, I have had experience lots of rejection since I am a shy type girl. Because of that, I became an independent/scared woman, I have learned to do things on my own, if I wanted something I work on it and if something cannot be mine, I teach myself to not hope for it. I can't handle another rejection, especially to someone I dear so much.

INSECURITY/JEALOUSY  ... I don't know why. I am confident that I am one of God's beautiful kind and special (fault of my guy friends, they always make me believe that I am special & they treat me like one, they spoil me so much that I despised all man who treated me wrong), and I am not that kind of woman who is easily intimidated by other lady out there but with you it's always a different story. Maybe because you're so special to me that I can't handle losing you to another woman.

BROKENNESS ... Unfortunately, I was born with a parents whom I questioned the love they have for each other. There was never a moment in my life that I got to see the love of our father to our mother and even his love for us. I always believe in love and my father was the first one who broke my heart.

UNPREPAREDNESS ... When I first saw you, I never thought that I will care and love you the way I did. You've shaken my world and I wasn't prepared for it. I am not used to having other someone who care for me and at the same time someone I'm so afraid to lose.

and so on...

Leaving you with no words says it all. But the root of it is my own horror, being jailed by rejection for too long. I thought I can't have you, so I let you go even if it hurts. And failed to realize that by letting you go, I could hurt you too. I'm sorry.

Maybe we're not really meant for each other. Maybe, God has better plan for me and for you too. Today, I'm working on myself to be jail free. With God,

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord,

"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

"Self-preservation"

You. Loved. Hurt. Faithful. Cheated. Have you already wondered why? Maybe, just maybe, you forgot the word 'Self-preservation'.

You've been in a relationship many times and was hurt. You've been faithful and was cheated. You tried so hard to fix a broken relationship, and you failed countless times. Don't you know why?

You are in a relationship you are not fitted. You're getting used to having such kind of relationship that sometimes you forget your own worth as a woman.

You put 'Self-preservation' in a box and left it somewhere. You've venture into relationship with men hoping that they can save you from the past - brokenness, insecurities and self-pity.

You forget that, sometimes, heartaches and miseries are brought by wrong decision, fault assurance and lack of 'self-preservation'. Remember: woman, you are the most precious gift a man can have. Don't bargain yourself on something not your worth. 

Say "Yes" when you're ready ...

Sometime in 2013, I met this woman in my workplace. She always have had lunch alone in the table, walked alone to her office and did errand in her own everyday. I saw it in her eyes that she's a lonely soul.

One lunch time, I approached her if I can share her table and she replied with meek smile. I started conversation with her by asking her some basic details - her name, age, when she started working and so on. Then we shared table during lunch break the following days and we became comfortable with each other.

Our conversation became more serious and personal as day went by. She shared some past relationship stories with me and because I can't contribute to this kind of sharing, I just listened to her with all ears.

She would tell about how many boyfriend she have had, from how they met to how they broke up, and how she misses having a boyfriend after one break up. Then, she would tell about how bad guys are, that they are cheater, user, and that they just want s*x. I was a bit confused to her views about man, she loves the feeling of having a boyfriend and at the same time she hate them, she even memorizes their vices like a song.

Do men really bad? Cheater? User? Do men really just want s*x? Do you agree with her? I don't agree with her for some reasons.

Men are not bad, they also love to be loved and they also need respect and appreciation like girls do. They are not born cheater, but like us (women) they might fall for others too if you don't take good care of them. If they are user, they shouldn't have put an effort to ask you to be his girl at the first place. And if they only wanted s*x, they should have paid for it and leave minus commitment.

But he like her and woo her thinking she is the woman he needs in his life. But the question is, considering her negative views about them and that she's a victim of past bad relationship, why she said "Yes"? Because she misses the feeling of having a boyfriend.

What happened next? She have this guy and she feels completed. Then, she slowly becoming paranoid - questioning and doubting his genuineness. And she did it in all her relationship. It became her habit - jumping from one lover to another without unloading her baggage from the past relationship. It became her routine and she was eaten by her anger, grudges, negativeness and she was slowly losing her confidence,  becoming lonelier and making herself feel less of a woman.

She's in pain and felt unloved for so long. She detached herself to the real world - always alone and does things by her own. She even forgot that she is a woman, strong and vibrant and that she is worthy of any man's love.

So, woman, say "Yes" when you have already unloaded your baggage from the past relationship. Say "Yes" when you're ready. Remember that, you deserve much more love than you've been asking for.

No one wants to be a rebound ...

Last week, I have had a semi-serious conversation with one of my guy friend. He was asking my opinion in regards with his present relationship condition (with his ex-girlfriend & the girl he's liking). So this is how his story goes;

She talks to him regularly, exchanges text messages and lend her ears to him. She's being sweet and she shows him extra attention. He is now liking her. But his ex-girlfriend suddenly appears to his life again. She seems to be interested in him again. Maybe her intention is real, or maybe she's just now claiming what she once hold because someone else is interested (whatever her intention is, it's not our business here).

And here is his stated problem:

He likes her but his world was shaken after his ex's sudden appearance. He wants her to be his girl but he is now experiencing unstable emotion. He wanted to ask her so soon because he is afraid she might leave him in the next few months if it takes him too long to ask her.

And I told him: "Don't ask her to be your girlfriend. Not until you have fully unloaded your baggage from the past relationship. It's obvious that she likes you too and you don't have to be afraid of losing her just because you took it too long to ask her. If you ask her now, it will be risky for both of you considering that you are emotionally unstable at this moment, you might lose her forever. Don't ruin your present relationship with her just because of your fears. Remember: No one wants to be a rebound. Good thing comes to those who wait."

I am Single because Mr. Right is nowhere :)

Nowadays, I've been so busy attending friends and colleagues wedding ceremonies and their children's baptism & birthday. I have been reconnecting to a group of friends only to find myself cannot connect to their topics - married life, plans for their family's future, monthly bills, kids education, etc.

But the funny-sad things about this reunion is that they always find me all by myself carrying a bag loaded with answers to their unending questions: "When will you get married?", "Where is your Mr. Right?", "When will we be meeting your Mr. Swerte?", "Where is he, the one you been dating for awhile?", "Aren't you being so picky?" and so on. Next to this is their wanna-be-cupid styles, expect a lot of recommended gentlemen from them. More often, they accused me of being a 'Picky Woman', a 'Hopeless Lover' and an 'Undecided Creature'.

Okay. So here it is. I am an average woman and I am also wooed by a lot guys since then. Naks!.. It's not that they didn't fit my standard (standard doesn't matter if you fall in love), it's just that all those times, I never find myself being ready of the so-called romantic relationship they asked from me. I think it's unfair for the guy and for myself if I venture on something I am not sure of. And I am not the type of a person who just settle, I believe that to love and to be loved is one of the most important factor in every relationship.

Years had passed and so is my immaturity. I met these guys, became friends and started dating. Later on, stop wooing, leaving me hanging with goodbye words: "You deserve someone better", "You're better with someone worth it." and the like.

So I ended up still single and it seems like forever. But as long as forever (with God)  is here, I will still be waiting for the right person. A man who doesn't think that I deserve someone better than him. Someone who knows that every woman will be better with any man, as long as he loves her, protects her & respects her.

Today, I'm still single because Mr. Right is nowhere.