Strong. Independent. Happy.

The Story

One rainy night, two old friends bumped into each other.

Boy: Hi
Girl: Hello
Boy: Basa ka na. Here. Use my umbrella
Girl: No. I'm okay. Total basa narin naman ako. Gamitin mo nalang yan para hindi ka mabasa.
Boy: Why are you always like that?
Girl: Like what?
Boy: Never mind. Eto' gamitin mo para di kana mabasa. (Then the boy quickly walk away.)
Girl: Hey! Mababasa ka... (He's gone.)

Her phone ring.

Girl:  Hello
Boy: Hi. Nakauwi kana?
Girl: Oo. Thanks for the umbrella. Nabasa ka ba? Hinabol kita pero ang bilis mong nawala.
Boy: Okay lang. Malapit narin naman ako at nakauwi agad. Hmmm...
Girl: Yes. Ano yon?
Boy: Ahmn. Pagkatapos nito, pwede parin ba kitang makausap?
Girl: Hmmmn... kasi
Boy: Ah' sige okay lang. Baka busy ka at ma-istorbo pa kita. Lagi ka pa namang nagmamadali. Bye. Ingat ka lage.
Girl: Ah' sige...

In her room, she thinks of the little conversation she just have with the guy. "Bakit ganun? Busy ba talaga ako? Lage nga ba akong nakatingin sa oras at nagmamadali?" ...

For some reasons, other girls grew up very strong and independent. Through life's circumstances, they have learned to stand and do things alone. They have heavily built a secure foundation within that makes man afraid to climb the wall. Some men would think that this kind of woman don't need a man. They live a happy lifestyle that makes most men insecure of their status. They have a healthy social affiliation that other men are too scared to enter her life or to be rejected.

What men didn't realize?

These girls, may appear so strong, independent and happy but it doesn't mean they don't need man in their lives. Being strong doesn't excuse them from tears, they have their own horror too, and they need someone not just to wipe the tears but someone who will understand. Being happy doesn't exempt them from sadness, most of the time, happy people are the saddest human. So they also need someone not just to be with them when they are sad but most especially when they are happy.

But it takes a strong man to understand this type of woman. Someone who has big hands to catch her from falling, someone who has large eyes to see her tears behind every smile, someone who will stand by her even if she pretends to be strong enough to stand by herself, someone who knows that being strong doesn't mean not being able to cry and someone who has the courage to enter her life and fill the space she's trying to hide because if you do, you'll be the luckiest man in the planet.

The requirements?
You just have to be persistent in caring and loving them. They may pretend they don't see your effort but trust me, they do. They have an eagle's eye to see even the smallest things you did for them. You'll be surprise when they start to show their feelings for you. But of course, be honest to them. God's luck!

He lost her ...

When a woman finally let go of her man, don't expect her to look back. It may hurt her but you will never know about it, all you can see is a smile in her face hiding what she really feel inside. You will never know that she cry herself at night, that she misses you more than you missed her, that she's breaking into pieces, that she also wanted you back but can't because she already used her last card and that is to let go of you, so she can give herself a chance to love someone else. Someone who will never take her for granted, someone who sees her worth and someone who will love her the way she deserves.

She's being jailed by rejection for too long ...

Almost 3 years had past and I still wonder why I never ever give him the chance to prove himself or to let him care for me once more. Why? Every time this question lingers on my mind, a series of answers displayed like what Google does when you searches for an answer to your question. Some are reliable, others are not specific and many are not necessary.

WHY?

AFRAID OF REJECTION ... I am the center of 5 siblings. And just like other center child, I grew up being the mediator, the one who always understand, and most of the time rejected. At home it is always like, "unahin muna si ate kasi dalaga na sya or sa susunod kana kasi kawawa naman si bunso". Maybe my parents have higher hope that I do always understand and never realizes that sometimes I felt being rejected. Aside from it, I have had experience lots of rejection since I am a shy type girl. Because of that, I became an independent/scared woman, I have learned to do things on my own, if I wanted something I work on it and if something cannot be mine, I teach myself to not hope for it. I can't handle another rejection, especially to someone I dear so much.

INSECURITY/JEALOUSY  ... I don't know why. I am confident that I am one of God's beautiful kind and special (fault of my guy friends, they always make me believe that I am special & they treat me like one, they spoil me so much that I despised all man who treated me wrong), and I am not that kind of woman who is easily intimidated by other lady out there but with you it's always a different story. Maybe because you're so special to me that I can't handle losing you to another woman.

BROKENNESS ... Unfortunately, I was born with a parents whom I questioned the love they have for each other. There was never a moment in my life that I got to see the love of our father to our mother and even his love for us. I always believe in love and my father was the first one who broke my heart.

UNPREPAREDNESS ... When I first saw you, I never thought that I will care and love you the way I did. You've shaken my world and I wasn't prepared for it. I am not used to having other someone who care for me and at the same time someone I'm so afraid to lose.

and so on...

Leaving you with no words says it all. But the root of it is my own horror, being jailed by rejection for too long. I thought I can't have you, so I let you go even if it hurts. And failed to realize that by letting you go, I could hurt you too. I'm sorry.

Maybe we're not really meant for each other. Maybe, God has better plan for me and for you too. Today, I'm working on myself to be jail free. With God,

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord,

"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."