Me Falling for You

Next time would be a beautiful fall. Remember that! 

Friends with the Victim ...

In my beautiful journey, I met people and made friends with them. Some goes, some stayed and some became someone I wished I never met. But thanks to them, that parts of my stories have taught me that loyalty is a special package in every relationship and that betrayal costs a lot.

You lost the friendship that you paid with trust, time, love, attention and loyalty. You want to take it in silence trying to weigh the situation and wished to repair it. Then, here comes the victim, starting to 'blah blah'. You hold everything not until expectant comes and ask you about what happen.

• If you hold the story in your own, the victim will never stop what she's doing until it annoys you, and
• If you tell the story to those who asks, the victim will call you the backstabber. Edi wow!

I don't missed the chance to sneak out and made my cutest exit ever!

I was in Globe store this afternoon for inquires. I sat on a chair then dialed 211. While waiting for my call to be connected to CSR, I can't keep my head bouncing for I was enjoying the Christmas tune from the other line, not realizing that I am staring at the guy sitting in a chair at least 5 meters from me, not until we locked eyes 😱 for almost 6 seconds.

Whoah! that was so close! I was so embarrassed so I pretended like I don't care and look passed through him. I saw him swing his chair a little and positioned his feet pointing towards me. OMG! While talking to CSR, my eyes have their own lives and do their things again "look-up, look at him, look down, look at him, look passed through him, look at him" and we locked eyes again 😭 I'm dead!

I swing my chair and turned my back at him. He is wearing a plain white T-shirt and I am so distracted by his presence. Don't over imagined things! He is not so "gwapo" but he is also wearing a white city shorts and a pair of white sneakers, just as how I always imagined my man should look or wear. And for the last time, I looked at him again to see how good he looks but we locked eyes again  💀    Seriously, I'm dead! So please pray for my soul to get to heaven. 😂😂😂

My call had ended and I can't move out from my chair, so afraid for if I go out I will walk pass through him and be embarrassed. So, I motioned a little so I can see him while not looking at him directly. I waited for him to get busy so I can pass through him minus awkwardness. The service personnel got his attention and they talked. I don't missed the chance to sneak out and made my cutest exit eveeeeeerrrrr! 😂😂😂😂😂😂

Let life surprise you ...

I am 28 and still single. Why? Honestly, it's confusing. Maybe I am whom others called "made to be old alone", "the woman who can't settle", "the Miss Choosy" and "the one who have high standard" or maybe I am single because I choose to or I was swallowed by my fears - of being in a bad relationship - of making the wrong decision with the wrong man - of becoming an irresponsible girlfriend/wife/parent. Take it from a person who grew up with parents who couldn't compromise in too many things.

My life. My childhood. My past has a big contribution of my madness. Madness of making plans. The plans to straighten my life and follow the right path. Ten years ago, I decided to graduate with no boyfriend, to have my first-and-last boyfriend at the age of 24, then marry at the age of 28, and have my first born baby a year after. I even planned to have at least 5 beautiful children. Wow! What a plan! You can bestow a medal of honor on me while others may clap if I made it all come true. But a plan will just remain a plan if someone is too afraid to take the risks. 

So, here I am, still single at the age of 28, unable to marry with "No One". My fear, have somehow played the biggest part of my life, it took me into turning 28 without a boyfriend or even an ex. It even brought me two unofficial and assumed heartbreaks - sounds funny but true, they have had my heart broken without even knowing it. I made myself believe that by not taking the risks I'm saving myself to a long term brokenness. Did I really save myself to it? No, because playing safe is not safe at all, sometimes it leads you to your own engrave heartaches. And partly yes, because maybe the brokenness I am feeling now may not be compared with the brokenness I'll be dealing with if I have taken the risks. Who knows the mystery of the things that were left undone?

UNDONE. If I sum-up all the things that I wanna do in life, it would leave a word undone. Like I should have enrolled in accountancy but I didn't. I should have confessed my feeling to my first love but I left it locked in a box. I should have cleared things with my almost-lover before turning my back but I haven't. I should have had my first-and-last boyfriend at the age of 24 but I end-up still single today. I should be planning my marriage at this age instead I am writing this piece of never ending singleness, etc.

I should have do this and do that... Truly, life has its own way to surprise you. When I was young I cannot do math problems without causing headache and who would have thought that I can do accounting? I never imagined that this feeling of loving someone so much really exists for I grew up with parents who had a questionable love for each other. I am so afraid that temptations will go over me and I cannot surpass 24 staying single, and I never thought that I will turn 28 being so happy and confident. Before, the dream to reach mountain from mountain, to extend love and help in there seems like impossible but I got an easy access to it, easier that I thought it would be.

Life always surprise. You planned but failed. Think impossible and you'll be slapped with so much possibility. Because no matter what you do in life, what you planned, what you believe or don't believe, life will continue to show you its beautiful uncertainty. You'll be surprise!

Tagalog Poem: Unang Pag-ibig ...

Unang Pag-ibig

Sa makulimlim na bahagi ng kanyang nakaraan

Ay nagtatago ang isang damdaming natatakot at napapako

Nasisiyahan sa munting liwanag na nakapuslit sa isang maliit na butas

Na animo'y nangangako ng isang napakagandang bukas

Paminsan-minsan sa butas na iyon ay sumisilip itong damdamin

Naghihintay na madama at mapalaya sa dilim

Kaya't noong ang liwanag ay biglang nag-iba

Damdaming nagtatago ay nagpupumilit kumuwala

Sa kamay ng kalungkutan siya ay nagpupumiglas

Ngunit sa pagmamadali'y napaso sa nararamdamang nagniningas
At nabatid n'yang liwanag na dulot sa kanya
ay unang pag-ibig na daraan lang pala.

Isang pag-ibig na ang aral ay magmahal at magpalaya
Magmahal at magdulot ng ligaya, magmahal ng di umaasa.
Magpalaya at magparaya, magpalaya at lumaya.
Lumaya at ng pagmamahal ay maibahagi sa iba.

Unang pag-ibig: unang ligaya't unang pighati.
Unang kalungkutang hindi malirip.
Unang pagsusulit ng damdaming nagmahal ng labis.
Mga salamisim na kahit kailan ay hindi mawaglit.

Nagsusulat Ako dahil Nagmamahal Ako ...

Nagsusulat Ako dahil Nagmamahal Ako

Nagsusulat ako.

Nagsusulat ako dahil nagmamahal ako.

Nagmamahal ng taong dapat ay kaibigan lang,

dapat ay kaagapay lang at dapat ay karamay lang.

Nagsusulat ako.

Nagsusulat ako dahil ang pusong dati ay nakatago sa dilim

ay unti-unti mong hinugot patungo sa liwanag

na akala mo'y nangangako ng walang hanggang bukas.

Nagsusulat ako.

Nagsusulat ako dahil noong minahal kita ay nagkaroon ako ng tinta.

Isang makulay na tinta na nagsasabing

"mahal kita sinta".

Nagsusulat ako.

Nagsusulat ako dahil sa pagsusulat lamang ako

nakapagpapahiwatig ng nararamdamang ni minsan ay di ko naisip

na magkakaroon ng napakagandang himig.

Nagsusulat ako.

Nagsusulat ako dahil kahit papaano ay nababawasan ang tinik

na kay tagal ng nakakapit sa dibdib kong namimilipit

dahil sa sakit na dulot ng isang pag-ibig na hindi ko dapat dinibdib.

Nagsusulat ako.

Nagsusulat ako dahil sa mga isinusulat ko lamang nagkakaroon ng tuldok

ang kahibangang 'ikaw at ako ay may tayo'

na katulad ng kulog ay nakakatakot.

At magsusulat pa rin ako.
Haggang mapagod ang pusong kong nalilito
at makahanap ako ng kapares kong tinta na magsasabing "ikaw ay akin at ako ay sa'yo"
at sabay naming isusulat ang aming titulo. 

A Poem: Perfectly Imperfect Heaven Sent Blessing

Perfectly Imperfect Heaven Sent Blessing

It was one fine night of May 2013 when I first met you,

I appeared extra friendly and a bit shy was you,

It’s funny to think back at that moment,

That you have thought, I am so ‘feeling close’.

Life would have been a lot different if I haven’t met you way back then,

There would have been no ears who listened endlessly to my fears,

No eyebrows that draws a perfect line when I couldn’t hold my tears,

 And no bitter-sweet-words that would have calm my kooky feelings.

You are no perfect man but have shaped a perfect heart,

You’ve cared so much and I hope I also cared enough.

You have imperfect brain but have developed a better understanding,

You’ve always believe in me before I could explain anything.

Our relationship is unique and nothing can compare,

We’ve been through worst but isn’t it a challenge?

For both of us to make this friendship better,

And take this connection last forever.

That blissful night until today,

I never thought that you’ll mean so much to me,

One great extra ordinary friend,

That God lovingly sent to me from heaven,